yet another scandelous post about sexual sin.

Fact: I struggle with sexual sin. Living in the world until I was 22 years old, I made a lot of mistakes and I’ve struggled to re-learn how a relationship between a man and a woman actually develops and grows, to the point that I sometimes have to consciously remind myself not to try to seduce or tempt the men around me. I just know far more about the physical aspects of a relationship than any unmarried person should, but it wasn’t until very recently that I realized just how embarrassed I am about the amount of experience that I have.
Literally, I got asked, “How many guys have you been with?” And suddenly, I was so convicted and ashamed. It’d been a long time since I really thought about the number and I didn’t want to admit it to the person I was speaking to. It’s not that I thought they would even judge me, but I was definitely judging myself.
But God had really put it on my dear friend’s heart to share with me a divine lesson through that intentional question and no matter how hard it was to admit my embarrassment, it was all worth it in the end.
After he asked, all I could say was that I was really embarrassed to answer the question, and this is what he had to say (and I’ll do my best to sum it up while doing it justice):
“You shouldn’t be! I know the answer already and it’s zero. As of October 17, 2011, your body was washed clean and you are now as pure as snow. That’s how God sees you and that’s how I see you.” I just cried upon hearing those words. Yes, they came from the voice of a mortal man and in his own perspective, but just the way the message was delivered, it was like God’s fingerprints were all over it.
You see, I’d actually gone out and bought myself a purity ring a few months ago to serve as a reminder of why I really shut those things down in my life. I’d even joked a little that it was a way to sort of “reclaim my virginity,” though physically, I know that is not possible.
This point though, that I was remade and born again and washed clean… It opened up my eyes to the fact that maybe God doesn’t just mean my heart and mind, but maybe He really renewed my body and virtue, too.
Where God really showed me proof of this in His word, I literally came across less than one day later in the Bible study I’m working through. In Isaiah 61:3, it says, “To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”
This was so encouraging for me because even though I’ve engaged in sexual immorality that really stole so much of my innocence and reeked havoc on my heart; even though I’ve been violated more times than I can count, both consensual and non; even though I sold a little bit of myself to every man who came along in those 5 years – God will restore me. Even though all that was left of me was ashes and despair, God has brought me beauty and gladness so that I can just cry out in praise everyday. 
I can really appreciate the illustration of an “oak of righteousness,” too. I don’t know about you, but when I picture an oak, it’s a grand, majestic, and beautiful tree that has an immovable and rooted sense about it. It’s solid and powerful in a way that doesn’t symbolize violence, just strength. Overall, I think it is comparable to what God would like us all to be as Christians. Rooted and beautiful.
Just my story, alone… God has transformed it from something so desolate and dreary into something to really consider. Without God, I’d have nothing encouraging to write about, no testimony to share, and no tools in which I can help to lift up my friends. I was a mess – a life that had fallen apart – when He found me. I was covered in the ashes of mourning over the death of my innocence, purity, and genuine nature, but when He accepted me as His child, He crowned me with beauty and I became a princess of the One True King.
If your story is at all like mine – if it’s in your past or present – just know that you don’t have to mourn anymore. Let God wash over you and clean you of the ashes because only He can. Don’t be ashamed of your past because God can and will use it to display just how many miracles He can work in someone’s every day life. He can deliver you into the darkness of other’s lives and you’ll know their pain and it’ll give Him an opportunity to show off His wonderful handiwork.
We can all, men and women alike, be the princes and princesses of the King. We can all be oaks of righteousness in His garden that bring God glory.